Want to be a Parent?

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I never thought that I need to prepare for childbirth. Even though we planned for my wife's pregnancy, it struck me as a lightning when got the news. I was clueless, excited, worried, awestruck all at the same time. If we had known what it takes and how important it is, we would have prepared more and worried less. Even though childbirth is hard and painful, it is worth it for all it takes. Even though a mother had to carry and nurture another life within her for 9 months and had to go through the most intense pain of her life, it can be one of the ecstatic moments in life. For a modern father who takes care of both mother and the unborn kids by himself, the role and responsibility is as important as the mother. Both parents need to go through a lot of new, unknown and frankly weird territories.

 When I held my new born girl for the first time, I forgot what I had to go through. When I see her smiling anytime, I can’t stop smiling back. The joy she brings by just leaning on me, hugging me I am sure no one can bring such magic. I realize sometimes that it’s not just the child, it’s the future generation that I am grooming that will go on for a long time after I am gone. I also wished that someone would have magically told all that I need to expect and the things I need to prepare for a smooth sail. In one form or the other I luckily got that wish for the most part. For the remainder, I had to experience myself to understand what I needed. I am sharing this for anyone who is planning or expecting a child, to prepare for a smooth pregnancy and an ideal child birth.

Ready for a child? We marry, study, educate, and choose many things in life just because everyone does. We should not let such choices, pressures choose to introduce a child to the world. Raising a child is a multi-year project (at least 12 years) and first couple of them requires you totally. If you don’t think you have time, you can always plan and not let anyone decide on when you want to have a child. The world we live is overpopulated and trashed by senseless population which is threatening survival of all living things including us. So it’s wise to give preference on quality of raising a child over number of kids.

Preparing for a child/birth? Surprisingly contrary to common beliefs, preparing for a child does not primarily include saving money, creating a separate room, furniture, getting a debt free house, etc… although these things might help. I think below things should be important when they decide to give birth.

Be Healthy: 

You need to be as healthy as possible. A great healthy childbirth and a child requires healthy loving parents, both father and mother. For a mother, it better to be in her prime years with best chance of natural and easy delivery without any complications. For a male, being healthy is not just to impregnate but its basis of your child well-being. Our DNA/genes are basically traits/characteristics that are passed down through generations. They not only include traits that determine our diseases/weaknesses but also our current behavior/well-being/physical and mental conditions. To reproduce in a bad health complicates labor as well as is not ideal for the child. To be healthy, you can follow few things like being active, doing yoga, walking, swimming, eating good organic natural fresh balanced diet that might help. Key is to create healthy sustainable habits, which will contribute in a great way throughout your life. 

Be Loving: 

For newly married couples, they need to take time to settle in to the new changes after marriage. We need to know the person we are married to, as a friend, as a trusted person, as our rock, as our love in our most vulnerable moments. They are going to either deliver our child or be supporting us while delivery. Since it will be one of the most important things in our life, its better to not rush in. I am saying this because i see most arranged marriages in India end up being pregnant in the first or second year of marriage. Don't even bother about relatives or parents who starts hinting/asking/forcing about children since your wedding day. Relatives/Not so Friends will not be there when your infant screams and pushes you towards the edge of madness. If you are fortunate, your parents might be helping you for the initial months. They can take care of you and provide company for a child but they cannot replace you. You and your spouse will be irreplaceable figures in your child’s life. 

Be Knowledgeable: 

We need to know certain basic things that are required before having kids. In our modern advanced world, natural ways of life seems insignificant and irrelevant. But if you truly contemplate time, we are still the same man/women that evolved to exist in a natural environment with natural ways of life. I was surprised how interconnected and complex are the different aspects of a human being, when i learnt about natural child birth, breastfeeding and child care. Below are some sources where you will find things that you need to know.

 Natural child birth is the best and normal way of having kids and should be possible for most parents. It might require some preparation. Sometimes it might not work as we expected. But its worth to try and hope for the best. Most of us trust doctors, nurses and hospitals to guide us. In unforeseen emergencies or complications, its a must to rely on them. But to guide you in a natural child birth or to give you the needed information on the process of birth, they will not be of much help. Remember most of our modern institutions including hospitals will not provide anything that's not of economical value. They will try mechanize, improve efficiency and remove any human factors as much as possible. For eg., its easier and economical to schedule c sections and provide epidural/painkillers in every delivery than to prepare for a natural delivery. In countries like US, healthcare process is much better and have guidelines. For eg., to limit scenarios on when to conduct c sections. It getting worse in places like India where there no such guidelines. But wherever you are, it better to be informed and well knowledgeable on this. Below things will help.

 http://www.bradleybirth.com/WhyBradley.aspx We found useful attending Bradley childbirth class near our area in US. This helped a lot to visualize what and when to expect during childbirth.
Ina May's Guide to Childbirth If childbirth classes are not possible, you can read books like this. Ina May’s Guide to Natural Childbirth takes the fear out of childbirth by restoring women’s faith in their own natural power to give birth with more ease, less pain, and less medical intervention.

 I am not an expert but below are few important things.

 Walking, hot water shower, low lighting, music, massage, deep breathing helps to relieve delivery pain. Kneeling, standing, rocking, leaning, sitting in toilet seat are good positions to labor. Worst position to labor is lying flat in a flat bed, which i have seen all my life in most Indian cinemas and hospitals. Visualization helps. Most important thing i feel while delivery is the mother's psychological mood and will power. Her mind should be free of any mental blocks. Remove anyone/anything from the delivery room that she doesn't like. Like mother in Law ;) Even if she slaps and hurl abuses, please focus on the massage. Delayed umbilical cord clamping is recommended for improved maternal and infant health and nutrition outcomes. 

Breastfeeding: There is lack of awareness and confusion on basic aspects of breastfeeding. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends that breastfeeding continue for at least 12 months, and thereafter for as long as mother and baby desire. The World Health Organization recommends continued breastfeeding up to 2 years of age or beyond.

 Virtually all mothers can breastfeed, provided they have accurate information, and the support of their family, the health care system and society at large. Lack of breast milk is often attributed to lack of nutrition etc... There is only one prime rule on this. The more you feed periodically, the more breast milk will be available for infants.

The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding This is a single great useful book that has all information on breastfeeding. 
https://kellymom.com/ Nowadays most information on the internet is misleading/wrong or just opinions. Its better to refer a correct source. For most breastfeeding questions, this is the only website i found useful.


 Parenting:
I am not a perfect parent and not even close to one. But I am still learning and trying my best for my kid, which is a good thing. Below are some of the valuable resources i could find that will change and enhance your perception about childbirth, parenting and beyond.

Sadguru Jaggi Vasudev is an Indian yogi, mystic and a visionary. Below videos will provide great insights into parenting and on being a parent. I found these very true and helpful.
Parenting: Raise Yourself Before You Raise Your Kids
https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=sadhguru+parenting

Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason
Do you wonder how greed and fear rules most aspect of our lives including economy, stock market, our jobs etc... Unfortunately our child rearing also follows same pattern. Most parents i see either bribe their kids or create fear in order to get simple things done like eating, sleeping etc... If you don't want to fall into the same category, please read this book.

 The Continuum Concept: In Search Of Happiness Lost (Classics in Human Development)
For every stage we go through in life since birth, we have physical, psychological, social, mental needs. Failing to fulfill these needs, will express itself in various ways all through life which we might miss to see. This book helped me a lot in parenting.

 Love to hear more of your thoughts and comments.
Happy Parenting!!!

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